Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Yo! It's a Duel

 Day 3 asks to write about a conversation with your Doctor.
                                 Day 6 asks to write about a time you had to take the high road.

I combine both and here I go...

My first two pregnancies were complication free.  I ate whatever, drank whatever, just fed myself carbs until I was plumb happy. It was bliss. This last pregnancy wasn't like the last two.

We were so joyous to find out we were pregnant with #3 last November. Our prayers were answered.  But dealing with Type 1 Diabetes I had no clue the kind of things in store for me... Finding a specialist, dealing with insurance, landing on two Doctors, appts every week,  blood work, key tone checking, finger pricking quadrupling, carb counting like ca-raz-E!, Blood glucose logging, figuring out if I was going to use a pump vs pens, insulin resistance because of pregnancy, taking a butt load of insulin, hormones raging, waking up at least 2/3 times in the middle of the night to log glucose not to mention checking between 8/10 times during the day...just to name a few things. I mean it was the hardest thing I have ever committed to doing.

I didn't have a great Perinatologist. Well she was good at her job but lacked compassion big time. By the time I figured it out, there was no way I was changing Doctors again. Early in the pregnancy I had switched from a midwife/OB practice back to my OB who delivered my first two and just went ahead and switched specialists because I wasn't going to be around that neck of the woods anyway.

Choosing to go with the pump for the best glucose stability was a no brainier but still I had issues with keeping them stable across the board. Pregnancy and Diabetes is a whole other ball game. I  had a compassionate Diabetes Nurse clinician who worked with me to adjust the pump accordingly so that was a relief.

When I would have a few numbers that were out of range and reported to the Dr. I would "get in trouble." Every time I had an appt I dreaded the sound of her heels thundering down the hall into my exam room. On top of the fetal stress testing, fetal sonogram, and the long waiting room visits where I would sometimes experience hypoglycemia (sugar low); I had to deal with her.  She walked around that office with her ridged posture and alpha dominance. No lie!

Around 35 weeks pregnant I decided to let my specialist go because it was pointless. I dreaded the drive and seeing the specialist.  My OB could do the same tests as she and my nurse clinician could monitor the sugars. When I respectfully told her I would no longer see her, I could tell she was not happy.

This lady had control issues. For real.

She literally threatened me by saying she recommended me getting induced rather early and how I could be harming my baby by having high glucose numbers. Ugh. It took all the inner strength to exercise self control and give her a piece of my mind. But I was determined to not give her my hurt feelings. I knew! I KNEW the management of Type 1 Diabetes was very important. I didn't need her always kicking me while I was down.

But I listened quietly. There was no need to argue with the unhappy woman! By Golly, I thought because I brought her eggs from my backyard chickens she liked me! Nope.

So I had a choice get mad and sting back or respectfully bow out. I could have reported her. I could have been ulgy back. The impression I wanted to leave was a Christian one not bitter, scared, or out to justify myself. I had too much on my plate to mess with that. I took the high road. This lady could not physically do anything to me. She knew how important it was to me to not be induced before 39 weeks.  She tried to scare me. I wasn't though.
All I said to her was, "I appreciate your opinion, but my A1C has been a 6(good number in range) and I know my baby is healthy. Thank you and good luck." Then I walked out.

Nothing upset me more than when Doctors say or do things "just because of Type 1 Diabetes". I worked hard! I messed up some and no one felt worse than I. Was I careless or reckless during the pregnancy? No. So I knew I did the right thing that day.

It was a burden lifted the day I walked out!

My baby was born a healthy, perfect little butter ball! I will be sending her a Christmas card this year. Jesus loves her too!


Monday, November 5, 2012

A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart

This is an easy post to write about. I try to live each day in thanksgiving. Everyday as a family we thank our God for his many blessings.

I am thankful for my God who loves me unconditionally. No matter the circumstance he is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His love gave me Jesus. Sweet Jesus who gives me hope, is the Healer, lifts me up when I down, my provider, my friend, who hears me, is the missing piece that makes me whole, loves the ulgy me with so much Grace that I am a sold-out-forever-follower for the Kingdom of God! Whatever I face in this life at times of unceratainty, I know I already have the victory because Jesus overcame the world. I appreciate the Word because it updates itself, reveals more truth, changes and renews my mind, and has every answer I need to apply for all situations of trial in life.
God is always the reason for all great things I am thankful for.

It is hard for me to understand how people reject the truest Love?!?

Speaking of more blessings, I am thankful for my family.

Justin and I didn't have an "All American" upbringing. To make it quite short, oldest of 6, I came from a dysfunctional, abusive childhood who eventually was orphaned, bouncing from home to home since the age 13, finally landing with the most stable family at almost 17 years old.

Justin came from a huge family of 8 not counting 3 step siblings, and 2 older half siblings he has never met...so that makes 14?!  Yeah we dont live in the 50's but we say we are the new age old skool family with all our siblings. He also came from a broken family where he lived with his father who tried his best but needed to work a lot to provide for the family.

Needless to say, neither one of us were taught how to be spouses or parents. We have been learning as we go. Still learning Praise God!
As we have been getting teaching straight from the Bible; our lives have been changing for the best. We are better parents and our marriage changed and continues to change. When it comes to what matters most after God, it's my family. For all the things He's done and continues to do, I give him praise. I am excited to see where he continues to take my family and I.



Sunday, November 4, 2012

Day 4: To Share or Not to Share

Disclosure post. How do you decide what to share? What do/don't you share?

The guidelines of sharing really depends on a few things.

I have a hard time sharing trials I am in the midst of walking through. I have learned when I am vulnerable, I am easily affected if I don't first go the source of where my peace really comes from. If I don't have a lot of clarity on certain thoughts, I do not want to write about it. It is important to be aware of the impact of what my words can have. Mostly I reserve many of my vulnerable moments with my God and closest peeps.
I choose to let God help me iron out the kinks first and then share. Plus, I need the Holy Spirit to sanctify my words before I am going to share about the trials I have walked through.

I can, and have been like Niagara falls with just thunder gushing(yeah I just said thunder gushing, it means the visual of Niagara Falls;) my guts out and not bridling my mouth, kind of like an idle car...running but not going anywhere.

Eh, it happens. But I am a work I progress. I am thankful to my God I am not who I used to be.

As I am refined, I realize how important my words can be for myself, those around me, anyone who may read what I write. I write when I am lead to write. I share what I am lead to share and timing plays a part in what/when to share. Word.

Friday, November 2, 2012

The Strength that Keeps Me Moving Forward-Day 2

*2/16/2012-started this blog but wasn't sure why, until now...

Proverbs 4:20-23
Dear friend, listen well to my words;
tune your ears to my voice.
Keep my message in plain view at all times.
Concentrate! Learn it by heart!
Those who discover these words live, really live;
body and soul, they’re bursting with health.
23-27 Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that’s where life starts.
Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth;
avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.
Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.
Watch your step,
and the road will stretch out smooth before you.
Look neither right nor left;
leave evil in the dust.

Growing my Faith has been like peeling back layers to an onion to plainly put it. Specifically relating to the Diabetes, God is so gracious and shows me as I walk this out; the connection of my faith and everyday actions, the words I speak, the power behind my words, receiving my healing, and that idle hands do not bring victory. I am inspired by God's word to be the best me.
In managing Diabetes numbers are vital. The high and low numbers of blood glucose. The average numbers where the glucose is in the form of A1c. The number of pokes from checking the glucose. The number of needles used to administer appropriate dose. The number of times to go the the Doctor to check progress of management. The numbers of carbs in a serving and the number of servings consumed. The numbers of the dosage administered to cover the amount of servings consumed. The numbers of the times to check and re check the numbers. A revolving door that continues...

If I am not careful to redirect and meditate my thoughts to what Gods word says, I can and have felt that my life is dictated by numbers and that can feel sort of like imprisonment and frankly, depressing.

In Proverbs 4:20-23, God plainly tells me to keep my focus straight on him and His word, for it IS healing for my body. The Word is the medicine I need to stand steadfast in FAITH through my Jesus. I break free from that spiral of "stinkin thinkin" by thinking on only good by standing firm on discovering God's truth in my life through his Word. If I spent most my time focusing on talking about what Diabetes has done, or does, or how much it takes from me; I find my joy depleting. I cannot allow myself to stay there. As Sweet Brown would say, "Ain't nobody got time fo dat!"  

Don't get me wrong, I do talk about it, and think there is healing found in letting it out. Where I have the biggest issue is allowing T1 Diabetes to be center in my life that I don't want.
The silver lining as I discover more about my faith on this journey is as I daily commit to controlling the numbers of Type 1 Diabetes management; is what I am physically doing is what I am spiritually called to do as a servant to the Kingdom of God! Everyday is a choice. Perspective matters. I don't always want to check the sugar, or give myself a shot before I eat, nor do I always want to read the Word to feed my spirit, or walk in love when someone is being a jerk. But that's the beef: it's all a choice how we react. We must all find the key to giving us hope, strength, peace as find ways to maneuver around challenging obstacles in our lives. If we think on good, it will produce good, even in the midst of a hard trial. 

I choose to educate people about Diabetes because it is important for people to know. Knowledge is power. I don't ignore Diabetes and pretend it isn't there, I do what I have to do.  I want to encourage others dealing with T1 Diabetes and be a contributor to bringing awareness. If I can bring awareness through educating myself and others, sharing my story, Faith, and humor; I will do it! So many are depressed, and hopeless. I can say there are days I have taken on all the emotional burden of the Diabetes from Hades. The ONE thing that sustains me is knowing with God all things are possible to those that believe. I believe and I keep pressing forward, stronger today than the day before.



Thursday, November 1, 2012

Day 1-Why I Write about My Health

I started Insulin Junkie three years ago with the intention that writing would be a cathartic thing and to bring awareness to this new challenge I was faced with. On October 8, 2009 I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and a thyroid condition called Graves' disease. I was two weeks away from my 27th birthday and my life as I knew it was out the window.
In the hospital I remember just being in complete shock, I couldn't hardly give myself shots, and the tears seemed endless. It was hell and hurt (emotionally more than physically) so so bad. I asked myself, What was my life going to be like from this point forward?! The struggle didn't stop there. There was such a inward battle between my mind and my spiritual self. My quest for answers from God became a mission of mine. I thought maybe, just maybe, documenting it would be a good thing for me.

When I started writing a few weeks after coming home, I did find a measure of release. But I held back some because I couldn't fully tap into the realm of feelings associated with Type 1 Diabetes. I hated everything I already had to do daily with Diabetes that emotionally gnawed at me, even thinking about it beyond what I had to do physically; much less spending time rehashing it out on a blog was hard. Logically a person would ask Why write then, right? Well it was good to at least educate myself, find humor in the midst, share with others the facts, maybe learn some new stuff all while I figure things out. So I blogged on.

I try to look on the brighter side of things, it's where hope and peace reside all under faith in my God. I began writing about my life other than Diabetes. Writing about the fulfillment in my life, my children, my Faith, things I am thankful for. Because in reality I didn't want my blog to be just about Diabetes anymore. My life is more than the health obstacle I face everyday.

I don't read blogs about Diabetes, or apart of any diabetes communities. Something about it I don't like and the feeling it gives me. However it is nice to know people who know exactly what it's like dealing with Diabetes from Hades. I stick with  this commitment to blog to learn more and to share with others my story too. It's not easy. I am still figuring out how to share my struggles and triumphs through this.

Diabetes has been tough to tackle head on. I know I am not alone. I am blessed to have my God who supplies all my needs, comforts me, who I believe is The Healer.
People hope for a cure, as I do too but I place all my Faith in the one who IS the hope, love, peace and for me that has been my saving Grace through this challenge. Part of where I have landed in this journey is not putting my life's focus on Type 1 Diabetes but the bigger picture. It's good to share because if I can share with just one person Gods love is the hope and strength through anything then I am doing what I was born to do.
So I write about my health, my life, and everything in between. We are all a work in progress and I don't pretend to have it all figured out. I do know, I am refine daily by my Father who is love and makes all things work together for good. I just keep walking one step at a time, keeping my eyes on The Lord, and write on.


Friday, October 26, 2012

I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

WEGO Health is an online resource dedicated to promoting health, wellness, support, and education to people faced with health challenges. They motivate people who are health activists who are involved in bringing awareness to specific health obstacles such as Type 1 Diabetes.

With that said, WEGO Health invites health activists to take part in a blogging commitment for 30 days. I am on board to take on the challenge to blog 30 days in November. I am not gona lie, I am intimidated hoping I can keep up and stick with it. November also happens to be National Diabetes Awareness month as well as WEGO's National Health Blog Post Month. I have done my best to contribute every November in some way referring to Diabetes so this time it's blogging for 30 days.

In this upcoming blogging month I hope for the following:
-to learn something new
-encourage and be encouraged
-share the facts
-dig deeper into my emotional hang-ups with Diabetes
-spread awareness
-be heard, and to hear others
-have fun, laugh
-not wallow or come across as a victim but as the Victor I am
- motivate people to live a healthy lifestyle
-share struggles and triumphs
And lastly,
-keep up with the blogging challenge while being a wife, mum to 3(including a 3month old), homeschooler, managing my home, and all other hat of responsibilities I wear.
In the words of The Little Engine That Could says... "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!"

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

A Two Month Review

Tytus (insert dreamy gaze and love sigh).
Our newest love muffin is already two months old. It's hard to explain how thankful I am for him, how thankful we all are.
Also, its hard to convey just how smitten we are. I can say, daily I take pictures, shower him with kisses(sometimes until he has had enough and gives a cry to stop;) I hold him just to hold his cuddly body to mine. I don't mind waking up at night to care for him. He is such a joy. My other two little loves just adore their brother. They will be occupied with playing but make a quick stop just to kiss his hand or foot and say I love you. Imri is truly a gift from God! I love the baby stage oh so much. Looking at him, spending countless hours nursing, talking oogly baby talk to him reminds me of how much I enjoyed and miss my other two at this stage. Time does go by quickly. At his checkup he weighed 15.13lbs, and is 24inches long. He is wearing 6months and some 6-9 month clothing. Whoot! My aching arms! ;)

Things are starting to feel more adjusted around here since Ty Imri joined us. We are finding our way slowly but surely. Still I find I am reluctant to go many places because I think he may want to nurse, or the carrier is just plain heavy, or he just wants me to cuddle him. It's been sometime since my last baby and starting all over again with newborn needs well...takes time to adjust.
After all, nursing takes a lot of time so I have to find other ways to get other important things done. Finding a new rhythm for the other important commitments with my health, schooling, being a good wife and mother to two other children takes time and has been a little overwhelming. It's all ok though because in the midst of change, and trying to balance everything, I feel Full. We are blessed. Everyday is a new day to embrace and dwell on the goodness of God.

I realize as many hats I am learning to wear, I tell myself must be doing something right because God reminds me I am loved everyday through my children. He answered our prayers giving us a healthy, beautiful baby so I know all the other things will fall into place in due time. So I rest in and embrace the new season, with thanksgiving.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

To You My Little Love!

Happy 7th Birthday to you my little man!
Wow, time flies, and you are growing up.
God continues to mold you into a sweet, strong, smart, loving, little boy and I am so proud to be your mama!
You bring so much joy to our family my Beetle!
Thank you for being such a great big brother who leads and loves your little sister; and now little brother.
Your Daddy and I pray blessings and continued favor over you each day. We thank God for giving us the blessing of you in our lives.
Jer. 29:11
I love you my Beetle, I love you I do. And even though you are too big to rock, and hold like a little baby,
"I will love you forever, I will like you for always. As Long as I am living, my baby You will be!"

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

4weeks old!

My little big guy is such a joy! Tytus is 4 weeks old today. We just adore him and celebrate this time in our home.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Already 2 weeks old

My little Big guy is growing fast. In 2 weeks he has grown 2 inches and surpassed his birthweight. Tytus Imri is 11.2 lbs and 22 inches long. On the growth chart he ranges between 95-98 percentile for his age. Yippe!

Tytus is really such a mellow, easy bebe. I think he wants to smile already. I am so in love. Now, if we can get his pee to stay in his diapers it will be even better! I may or may not have just covered a pee spot or two and went back to sleep in the middle of the night. The joy and humor of parenthood rock!

The last two weeks have been blissful as I watch my 3rd baby grow and we take turns loving on him. He is perfect and reminds me everyday of Gods blessing in our lives.