Saturday, October 31, 2009

Truth

OK so this is hard for me to say, but I am angry. I am not perfect. I know its hard for people to understand, but this is SUCH a life change.



Friday the 30Th of Oct, I had a dietitian appt and thankfully my husband came with me. But meeting with her and her going over all this diet stuff was a lot! she talked about how your body needs 3 VITAL things to survive

: 1) being water

2) food

3) insulin and how the cells need glucose to nourish your body, and insulin is the key to unlocking the door so the cells can absorb and when your body doesn't produce any or your type II and you don't make enough how it reacts.

Well she said something that triggered some emotion...she said, "Naomi, your body is still in a honeymoon phase, you are still producing some insulin but eventually it will stop producing all together." Well as much as everything has been very REAL and it's obvious I am a type 1 diabetic, but it was like another slam of reality! It's not going away! There is the other side of my thoughts that the verse I hear is, "..With man this is impossible,but with God all things are possible." No matter what they say, God has the FINAL say.


I am angry because this sucks. I am angry because I really didn't have a clue what my brother went through until now. I am angry because I this diabetes/thyroid is like another job.


This is a typical day since I came home from the hospital:


745-8am: wake up prick my finger assess my sugar..
8am: take 18-20 units of
Lantus
then I take a sliding scale of Humalog.(so depending on how high my Blood Sugar is I will take 2-8 units of insulin



Eat--I am supposed to eat about 3-4 servings of carbs which is 1 Carb=15g portion, and some protein,fruit, whole grains...a well balanced diet is what I am supposed to mimic.



10-10:15am- assess my sugar again and log it..



(the dietitian wants a log of every post meal sugar, what I eat, two hour post sugar reading, so she may fine tune exactly how many units I will need to take per unit of insulin)



12-1230: check sugar level again -proceed to inject another sliding scale of Humalog.



Eat.



2-230: check sugar again; log it



630-7: check sugar, inject sliding scale of Humalog, Eat dinner



830-9: check sugar again, log it, eat a snack--most nights I wake up with extremely low sugar so eating a snack b4 bed is a MUST.



--Sometimes I will check my sugar again after eating a snack to see where it's at--

Since its only been a little over 3 weeks since all of this, my sugar is all over the place.

I am angry because I feel like crap at different times of the day..one min I am having a low sugar (under 80; mine has gone down to 20 and its been 2am but I know its a God thing I wake up) shaky,confused, a little sweaty and I am going to pass out, and a few hours later I am tired, heavy feeling, weak, hot, irritable, from a sugar high (anything over 200 for me).

I am angry because I have not always been a diabetic and some virus attacked my thyroids and pancreas and now both are dependant on medication to function. I am angry because a lot of people assume this is just an easy as pie transition. Well folks!, it ain't!

Today November 3, I went in to get a thyroid uptake scan, I laid down and this machine took three 10min pictures of my thyroids. I should find out the results in the next couple of days.They say it could be hyperthyroidism or Graves Disease. I am confident everything is going to be OK. I don't know but I do know my GOD is in control.
I have faith. Today I was watching
Gloria Copeland and she said, "Faith takes it!, Take your Healing!" So I may go through an array of emotions but, I keep coming back to my Faith in my God.


1 Peter 2:24
He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.
Exodus 23:25
You shall serve the Lord your God; He shall bless your bread and water, and I will take sickness from your midst.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice. [Acts 18:10.]


There is a purpose in all of this. I don't want to get caught up in being angry or pissed off..That's what the enemy wants to do, kill, steal, destroy. He wants me to focus on whats scary or uncertain...but HELL NO! I won't let him take the plans the Lord has to make Good out of all of this. I want to share something I prayed about shortly before all this happened. I prayed and praise my God. I asked him, Jesus, please if there is anything you want to teach me, please don't use my babies or husband. USE ME! Protect them Jesus from harm! USE ME!! ...now I believe he answered my prayer Ladies and Gentlemen! So the days I find myself upset about the current circumstances or difficult moments--I remind myself, Not only did my God hear me, HE HAS GREAT PLANS! I get excited and I praise him! We are not called to live in FEAR but righteousness --and Victory!


So I may not always be able to control my emotions but I can Dig into the bible because it's filled with the truth, I always feel filled after spending time with my Jesus!


signing off for today---Jesus Junkie









6 comments:

  1. WOW! I finally had a chance to sit down and read through your blog today....Naomi, this is a good thing you're doing! I have no doubt that you are (and will be) an inspiration to so many people. You certainly are to me! I'm impressed with your raw honesty and strength, but most of all YOUR FAITH! My hope and prayer for you is that you will continue to find the right words to touch people's lives and teach them about His unending love and the salvation He offers each one of us! Continue to cling to Him and I have no doubt He will see you through your darkest hours! You rock, girl!

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  2. WOOOOOOOOOOOO! Very few people understand what it means to depend on JESUS! YOU DO! For those who have not had to SUFFER or those not willing to admit that they are not perfect or those not willing to die to self and trust JESUS for every moment of the day, well it is a sad shame! YOU HAVE A STORY NAOMI! I may be the only one leaving a comment on this blog but people are reading and realizing they are not ALONE! Thank you for being someone who will be real with their stuff! Satan wants us to hide it and pretend likes it is not there but JESUS wants us to bring it out, talk about it, confess it, face it and SHARE it because in that moment, HE GIVES LIFE through YOU!

    I love you my friend and I have loved you from the day I met you because the spirit within me knew that the spirit within you KNEW that GOD WAS ALIVE IN YOU and together we could ROCK THIS WORLD FOR JESUS!

    BE HEALED!

    love,

    BMR!

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  3. Naomi!!!
    This was so great to read!
    I am with Amanda - you have a STORY! And you are answering HIS call to share it! Thank you!

    I can relate to your experience of anger. I don't have diabetes. I have secondary infertility and have had 4 of my children die before I ever got to meet them. I have written about it a few times on my blog. There is one emotion that I think is key here, it's one lie that the evil one has used to attack me time and again. And that is the one where he tells me that I suck because my body has betrayed me and that I am broken.

    Of course, we are all broken. But our bodies have not betrayed us and we do not SUCK.

    In fact:
    We have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;

    we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;

    persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;

    always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

    For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

    So death works in us, but life in you.

    But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, "I BELIEVED, THEREFORE I SPOKE," we also believe, therefore we also speak,

    knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you.

    For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God.

    Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.

    For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.
    (2 corinthians 4:7-17)

    Hugs! Praying for you as you continue to wrestle with all the emotions involved in this journey!

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  4. The comments here have already said so eloquently everything I was thinking, so I won't repeat them, but wanted to let you know I will pray that God continues to speak to you and minister His truth in your life through this experience. God is Good, all the time, and He is ok with anger... to deny your feelings would be a lie, and there is no place for lies in His presence. He is big enough to take our feelings and He wants to... He wants to be your Comforter when you are scared and angry, He doesn't want you to face this alone. Praying in faith for healing and restoration.

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  5. So glad yall are coming over here to my Naomi's blog!! I knew my friends would give her love!!! She is a blessing so I am so glad yall are getting to know her!

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  6. Naomi

    Thanks for visiting me. You are such an inspiration! Sometimes is ok to get angry, is ok to cry and feel down. It does not mean we've lost faith, not at all, it shows we are human..

    I am happy to have met you.. I added you to my prayer book and will pray for you daily.. God Bless you sweety stay encouraged :)

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