Life has changed tremendously in the last year for me since the diagnoses of Type 1 Diabetes and Grave's disease. Click here for the full story of the beginning.
Some great things have changed, and some things are in still in the process of being changed. I have been through times where my trust and faith were challenged by the health changes that came against me. I have rejoiced, cried, laughed, been confused, angry, and through it I have earnestly sought the Lord for answers.
Trust and Faith is what the Holy Spirit has been teaching me through this past year. As our pastor puts it, "trust always requires unanswered questions, the only one happy when I spend a day worrying or reasoning is the devil. God our God wants us to say, 'I trust you, I know all things work together for those who love you.' Trading questions for Trust."
Sometimes we don't get answers when we want or even how we want, for the questions we ask our God. Sometimes we have to just rest in him release our faith and keep walking forward. A dear friend of mine wrote these words to me last December,
"Keep on walking (doing what you know to do) and don't stay so focused on the why. God is more than capable of "showing" you what you need to know in His time. Just "be" whom He has called you to be and that is a child of His heart. That means, seek His face and in His time all will be made plain! Reach up through those dark clouds, grasp His hand, and WALK! "
Those words were anointed and much needed in that season where I was struggling with really trusting my God. Its easy to say just "Let go and Let God," but much harder to do when you are in the midst of a battle. That is why I have learned to get into the word so trust comes easier and my faith is strengthened.
My faith is getting stronger each day. Joyce Meyer says to activate your faith requires praying, saying, and doing. She is absolutely right, and I intend to focus on those 3 things more. Covering myself in the word is the answer to strengthening my faith/trust.
Romans 10:17 says, "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."
Though the teachings we have been taught at our church I understand faith is action. Faith is represented by the way someone deals with hardships. Faith is not looking at the circumstances around you and being moved but standing firm on the promise that His word says in Deuteronomy 31:8,
"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."
He is the great I AM, God THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND EARTH who is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore! Faith is surrendering all. Faith is as said in
"NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation,the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. "
Through reading the word and hearing the word, the Holy Spirit has been moving in my life to reveal things about myself that need to be refined. I have to rest in the faith and trust that my Creator is in control.
Easy to say these things right?
Sure, I can name countless times where my faith is tested by the circumstances around me, back in April when I took the treatment to "zap" my thyroid and wondering if it was the best decision, because my thyroid was so low this summer I suffered from the most excruciating body cramps that I literally felt like passing out. The constant blood sugar highs/lows, lack of consistency with carb counting, mood swings, the Diabetes is a never ending "JOB" where I don't get a physical or mental break from is draining. My hair falling out in clumps from the thyroid issues, weight issues that affected my self confidence, struggling with taming my tongue in bouts of frustration, and just daily life's trials in general as a wife, and mother are all apart of the testing of my trust and faith. I am not perfect, nor proclaim to be. BUT I will not stay in a place of defeat. I am a fighter. I refuse to stay down. My prayer is as Hillsong sings it, "refine me Lord through the FLAME."
In the beginning of this ordeal, I was angry, dealt with denial(may still be dealing with it a little), and cried many times which is OK, but to stay there is not good. My faith and trust to press into God was premature even just a year ago, though I am still on the journey and now pressing in more than ever.
I may not have the answers as to why this happened or why other people have sickness/disease. And I don't need too anymore because in Faith, I release those questions to God.There are times when my mind will wander into the "what ifs" and I have to just stop, and refresh my mind on scripture. It is TRUTH. This world is not heaven, it is the enemy's ground where he wants to kill, steal, and destroy any, and everyone any way he can. This world is full of sickness/disease. BUT when we are going through the suffering, we can just rest in the promises that the word is a lamp unto our feet and comfort to our souls. Jesus saves, and Our God is a Healer! It is not God's will for anyone to be sick or suffer. Trials/Sickness are not given to teach a lesson. Jesus suffered, and we were not promised a life without trials.
Romans 8:14-17 says,
"For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering."
God is so good and I have so much to be thankful for looking back on this year. There has been growth spiritually in both my husband and I, revelation come in the area of the calling on my life as a mother, and teacher. I am fulfilled knowing I am walking on the path designed for me. Relationships have been strengthened with some dear friends/family whom have been a great support of love(cant name everyone, I dont want to forget anyone) and I am super grateful and love each of them. Through blogging I have met one of the sweetest women who has become a friend of mine who is also on the Diabetes journey as well. She has been a positive, encouraging, thoughtful blessing and I am thankful for her(heart you Linds!) heart of love this past year.
God used me to lead a dear friend to Christ Jesus, and had the honor to lead my son into the prayer of salvation. Boldness has entered my life in a new dimension by praying more for those around me, even when my day is rough and I am not sure if I am "saying" the right things but he still uses me. I have found joy to be a strength. The holy spirit has used my husband to encourage another person to take a more natural approach to his health(who was also suffering from Hyperthyroidism) and instead of dealing with the side affects of what I have endured from taking the Radioactive Iodine Treatment, he is healed, He told my husband, "God directed my path straight to yours that night we talked." I know God did that! When I serve others with joy and love, that's when God moves more in my life. I am blessed beyond measure.
My friend shared this song with me a few weeks ago and it represents the cry of my heart for this past year of struggle, JOY, redemption, and praise!
Thank you my Lord for a year of blessings and a fruitful harvest. I am forever your servant! Praise be to you my KING!