Thursday, December 2, 2010

Pinch, Poke, I think I'll drink another Diet coke, and take it one Day at a Time

I did a general estimate of about how many times I have pinch, and poked myself since October 2009.

Close to 4,000 times that's a combo of pricking my finger for blood sugar testing and poking my stomach, arm, or thigh to fill my body with insulin.

To me, that's pretty crazy. It represents how much of a change that has taken place in a year and a few months.

As I look back at the last year, I have to be encouraged that I am a fighter. It hasn't been easy going through such a huge challenge as dealing with the diabetes and the Grave's that rages in my body. Some people deal with change much easier than others. I for one have never taken change easily.

Growing up, I bounced around from home to home. Living with different people who wanted to give the "girl with no home" a chance, for me came with fear of abandonment. I wasn't sure if any of it would last. For some places it didn't. At 14, I battled with the notion I was a failure, was a problem, burden for any of the homes I lived in. I constantly felt like I was doing something wrong and finally resulting in a change of address for me. So, ultimately I found it a mundane way of life for me, that was difficult to accept. So when it was time to move again, I always took it like it was death, fighting the inevitable. It was hard to accept change because it meant life would not be the same in the next place. But through it all, I was strong, a FIGHTER. I had learned how to survive, not necessarily cope with change. However, I carried hope that God, even though I didn't really know him personally then, would take care of me. There were people in my life along the way, who were sowing seeds of God's light, hope, love, and I held onto that. I couldn't control life's sufferings. I could control how I let others perceive me through the adversities. I choose to take the route where I would rise above. I have fought through some tough battles and come out better, stronger, smarter, and had victories where none were expected.

I am realizing God is continually working out the kinks in me, and one of the most prevalent is Change. It is a good thing, in many ways. It's not easy accepting it at first, but GOSH imagining what plans God has for my life, through the changes drives out the fear. Changing my mindset is key. As for my current battle accepting the change in my health, I will fight because victory is on its way. Hope remains strong in my heart. Although, its tough, I am reminded today by one of my best friends, Amanda, to keep my eyes set on Jesus because that's how I will know what to do next in this battle.
So I drink another Diet Coke, and continue to take it one day at a time.

I love music its healing, and encouraging, and these lyrics speak to me today!
Hillsong sings,
"If my heart has grown cold,
There your love will unfold,
As you open my eyes to the work of your hand,
present sufferings may pass,
Lord YOUR MERCY will last,
As you open MY eyes to the work of YOUR hand,
When I'm blind to my way,
There YOUR spirit will pray,
As you open my eyes to the work of your hand,
Oceans will part nations come,
At the wispher of your call,
my heart will find praise,
I'll delight in your way,
Hope will rise Glory shown,
In my life your will be done."


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