Unfortunately I forgot my glucose monitor because before I left I hooked up the mister for the chickens to stay cool on this hot 107 degree TX heat; so distraction got the best of me.
As I was saying the appt went well other then my lack of coming completely prepared. My A1c was 8.8(avg sugar is about 200's-230's-not so good) this time down from 8.9 from last blood work back in April. The target range is between 4-6(meaning sugar #'s are avg between 80-120). I cried. Only because its the same story but its slightly different from when T1 Diabetes first came in my life. I have wanted another baby for awhile but now I really want another baby. An A1C of 8.8 means its not happening right now. But the good news is, my new Doc was very nice and listened, he didn't lecture me. I know what to do, it's just a matter of doing it.
Most experiences with Doctors always feel rushed and they are insensitive. He said something that brought my spirit up saying, the diabetes isn't a sprint, its a series of marathons. I haven't run a marathon but I did start training for a half marathon before this whole Diabetes came about. I instantly felt grounded in my thoughts about this process, it will just be 2 years (October 8Th) since this all happened, it is still fairly new. T1 is Not easy to accept, and takes a lot of discipline to keep in check. But managing Diabetes is like a series of marathons in many ways seeing as one must put in tons of training for specific goals to come to pass. For a beginner runner, most times its getting through the first 3-5 minutes of running, then the 1st mile, the next 3 miles, move onto to bigger challenges such as a 5k run, so on goes the steps. A marathon runner never stops trying to improve. Same can be related to this health challenge even though I didn't choose this series of marathons.
Again reminding myself to slow the pace, and give myself some grace after all I am quite busy with all that we have going on in our life. This is apart of the journey, so instead of racing ahead, it comes back to embracing the now, giving my best for RIGHT now. Ugh, why do I keep coming back to this! :) This being a resounding reminder, enforces the notion We all want to have what we desire right now; answers, things, goals, whatever and being patient is hard. Often times its all that takes place in the -in between- stage of the journey that ends up being most gratifying than it just being handed to me or just happening immediately. Don't get me wrong, I welcome immediate blessings, and success! Point is, When I just stand where I am in my journey and soak in what is in front of me, I gain more insight and appreciation for the entire experience. I cannot just have another baby right now because I want one. I have to realize that timing, and other factors play into the situation. I am becoming a big girl. haha!
For now I focus on just getting to the place where I am really good at measuring my food out, checking my sugar before each meal, taking insulin before I eat instead of after, I am in the basic training phase of the marathon still. Sure I could have passed this phase over a year ago, but some times it takes awhile to learn the lesson. A baby is more motivation to take great care of myself, but digging deep to the heart of the matter is about doing my best to get the 'betes from hades' in check, and resting in the now. So I thank the new Doc for the encouragement and reminding me to focus on what's in front of me. Kinda feels good to not feel consumed with this ordeal and just let it out. I trust God is in control.
Deep breath in.......deep breath out..... I keep on the marathon journey one foot in front of the other.